Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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