my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
