I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
