i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
