Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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