My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's blow job season.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
