Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
