wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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