we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
