Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize