I wannas sexs uuuuu
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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