you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
