I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
