So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize