Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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