I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
