At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
