I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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