Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
