I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
