Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
