Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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