dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
