Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
