You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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