I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize