im six kinds of drunk right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
