Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
