It's just like the Real World with babies
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
