You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
