I'm drive I can fine osifer
she woke up with a sticky ear
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
