Well douche your snatch and let's go!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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