If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
