Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
