You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
