Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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