yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
