he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize