What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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