What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We talked him into tasing himself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
