Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im holly from the hills drunk
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
