I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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