Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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