You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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