so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
