Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
time to smoke my breakfast
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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