you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
