hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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