Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
