So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
