her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
