Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
