I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
