Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
