Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
