I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
