They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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