God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
