Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the raccoons are back...
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