I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
