Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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