quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
