literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
