biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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