they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
