Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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