Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize