you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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