He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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