Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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