no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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