Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
