I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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