guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
