I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
